Disability As A Lifestyle, Not As A Handicap

By Holly R. Payne, 22 July 1997

North Georgia College & State University

Many things are accepted and even expected in modern American society whereas twenty years ago they would have been unheard items of taboo. During the 1960s, the Civil Rights movement sparked emotions that had lain dormant for decades. Those same emotions initiated events that led to the liberation of an entire race of people. After the apparent success of the movement, other minority groups began to question their devalued status, including people with disabilities.

In the past, disabled individuals were seen as unworthy and unequal in society. Those who had physical differences were not seen as humans with individual personalities but rather as a faceless crowd of drooling idiots with no hope for a future. But times have changed and disabled individuals have come a long way. Now with all of the legislation that is in place, physically challenged people are able to have a full and equal education as well as high authority job positions. For example, even years ago, Franklin Roosevelt, a polio survivor, served successfully as a popular president in the United States. He was perhaps the initiator of the disability civil rights movement. Since that time, disabled people have worked hard to gain and maintain some sense of societal equality. From the political life to the personal life, people with disabilities have taken charge. In modern America, individuals with physical disabilities are living active, "normal" social and family lifestyles.

In today's physically challenged world, young people are integrating themselves quite successfully into the social world, including into the dating scene. Of course there are obstacles for such individuals that are different from the obstacles of other young people, but currently they are being overcome more and more frequently.

Attitudes are one of the most common obstructions that young handicapped people face. In fact, they are probably the main issue:

No doubt, the most difficult challenge you'll face in your social life is dealing with the attitudes of other people. As a child, it may have been pretty easy to be friends with able- bodied classmates, but the young adult years sometimes present a whole new set of barriers ("Rocky Road...," pg. 7).

In dating, another obstacle for disabled individuals is the issue of self-esteem. When those with disabilities were not given equal opportunities, they were made to feel useless in society. As a result, poor self-image and poor self-esteem developed. Even today, in the midst of all the disability activism, individuals often still feel less worthy than their able-bodied colleagues, especially in the area of love. Self-esteem is a key component that must be built in a young person's life. Disabled young people are no exception to the rule ("Rocky Road...," pg. 8). How a person views herself or himself affects how others view that person. For example, if a person sees himself as interesting, attractive and fun to be around, chances are that this will be reflected in the attitudes of peers and colleagues.

Another attitude barrier is the opposition that those who date the disabled individuals face. The easiest way to overcome such an obstacle is for the disabled partner to be sensitive to those attitudes and reassure the other person and their friends or family who have the negative attitudes ("Rocky Road...," pg. 7). This can be done in a variety of ways, including taking pride in accomplishments. When others see that the "not-as-able" individual is intelligent and fun to be around, sometimes those negative attitudes disappear ("Rocky Road...," pg. 8).

Young people with physical disabilities are forced to address issues of accessibility when participating in dating relationships. Even with all of our country's progress, still not all public places are completely, architecturally accessible. The Americans With Disabilities Act of 1990 made provisions that all public places be made accessible, but there are time spans in which the renovations can be done (Woman's Guide..., pg. 72). This problem can be solved simply by checking before a date to see if the location will be navigable. Some places are already guaranteed to be accessible and even offer free admission. For example, disabled people and elders are eligible to get something called a Golden Access Passport. It is a free lifetime pass into all federal recreation facilities such as parks, monuments, historic sites, recreation areas, and wildlife refuges, all of which are interesting places to go on dates. These passes admit not only the individual but also whomever is traveling in the vehicle with them (Woman's Guide..., pg. 72).

Transportation may be the most difficult obstacle to overcome for physically challenged daters. For example, vans equipped to carry wheelchair passengers are often large vehicles. More people are beginning to use adapted minivans, but even then, some people just do not feel comfortable driving vans of any sort. Parents do not always have the time to be "chauffeurs" for their adolescents. Wheelchairs and their riders often cannot be accommodated by smaller vehicles. This isn't as much of a problem if the young person has a vehicle fully equipped with the proper driving controls, but not many young people can afford such equipment. One type of van was estimated at $70,000 (Lee).

Due to the greater acceptance of handicapped people in today's society, young people have more opportunities for socialization. Since they can freely and easily attend public schools, they have complete access to school activities. If a young disabled individual so chooses, she can even arrange her own social events. Disabled youth are also encouraged to participate in volunteer activities. This gives them the chance to do two things: meet potential mates, and let others know that they care about the rest of the world and not just themselves ("Rocky Road...," pg. 10).

As young disabled people meet other people to date, they begin thinking about what other young people do: marriage and families. Marriage for the physically disable is common and acceptable in modern American society. In fact, in many cases now it is an expected norm. Marinelli and Orto agree that "most of them can -- and should -- look forward to marriage" (pg. 222).

As in any other issue facing disabled people, the major barriers to marriage are attitudes. When a couple in which one or both partners decides to marry, some people will be supportive, but others will undoubtedly raise questions. When viewed in a wide perspective, this is really no different than discussion for any marriage. Couples always face the "Are-you-sure-this-is-what-you-want-to-do?" question. It is just magnified when the couple in question will be facing unusual circumstances ("Dearly Beloved..., pg. 8).

Such marriages are common now, and in some cases are stronger than the marriages of able-bodied peers. This is true because the couple must rely on each other for support and understanding and in most cases, communication is easier to establish and maintain as a result. In another Quest article entitled "Dearly Beloved," one interviewee, Mary Hammett, stated of her relationship, "What you have to offer each other emotionally is so much more important than the things we get caught up in" (pg. 12).

Couples facing disability issues have to be very realistic, honest, and rational in discussing a marital future. One main concern for all couples, not just disabled ones, is financial welfare. Having a physical disability does mean added expense. Home equipment is usually needed to help out with everyday chores, and in most cases is very expensive. One transfer lift runs about $1500-1600.

Home health care help is often very important for disabled spouses. Most of them wish to free their partners from serving as caregivers. This is an added expense, but it allows the spouse to focus on "caring rather than care-giving" ("Dearly Beloved, pg. 11). Most of the interviewees in the "Dearly Beloved" article agreed that the person one marries should be a best friend and not a nurse.

Aside from financial matters, couples in which one or both partners are disabled must face issues of how household responsibilities will be distributed. If a person has limited strength, he or she is not likely to be able to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. as easily as an able-bodied individual. This obstacle can be overcome in a variety of ways. Probably as the simplest solution, if finances are adequate, housekeeping help can be hired. If not, the chores can be creatively distributed. The "able" spouse can do heavier work while the "not-as-able" spouse can take care of finances, management, and non-physical chores.

Couples express their love for each other through their actions every day. Honoring and cherishing one's spouse means placing a high priority on the marriage itself. Besides providing emotional support and encouragement, honoring also means sharing responsibilities and focusing on what each partner can do, not what they can't ("Dearly Beloved, pg. 12).

Another key issue in all marriages is whether or not the couple wishes to have children. However, for couples with disabilities, several questions must be addressed.

Is it physically possible? In most cases, the answer is yes. In the majority of physical disabilities, fertility is unaffected. Most physically disabled women have few problems with pregnancy, although they are usually monitored closely just to be on the safe side.

Is it genetically ethical? Some disabilities are inherited and can be passed on. By receiving genetic counseling, which can cost from under one hundred dollars to several hundred dollars, a couple can find out the probability that their child would be affected. If there is a high probability, the couple might opt for adoption rather than take the chance of passing on a hereditary and sometimes progressive condition (Woman's Guide..., pg. 18).

If the couple decides to go ahead and have a child, future issues must be addressed. Will the disabled parent be able to care for the child alone or will the couple need to hire child care such as a live-in nanny? What types of accessible childrearing equipment is available? Several books and resources are available detailing types of adaptive parenting aids. From cribs to diapers to changing tables and even to lap tray tables for babies, all types of equipment is manufactured. Many standard pieces of child-care can be successfully and cheaply altered to make parenting easier. Trish and John Day compiled a list and pictures of different pieces of equipment and published it on the Internet ("Crib Page").

Again, the greatest barrier for disabled individuals who wish to be parents is societal attitude. People do not see disabled people as competent enough to rear a child. Also, as the child gets older and begins socialization, it may face ridicule because of it's parent's condition (Woman's Guide..., pg. 19).

After a disabled individual goes through the dating phase and finds that special someone to marry, s/he and the partner will want to arrange accessible housing and personal transportation. The "special" couple will have to think long and hard about the most suitable home design for their needs.

A garage is a necessity for convenience when getting in and out of vehicles in the rain. Garages or carports are convenient for anyone to have but are essential to avoid the rain damage to wheelchairs that must be in and out of the weather. Door widths are important for wheelchair users. Grab bars in bathrooms and on stairways are important as well. However, most specialists would suggest one-level homes for physically challenged people for convenience and comfort, unless the couple is financially able to afford residential elevators or lift systems. Large rooms are beneficial for wheelchair maneuverability and in the event that other special equipment is needed later. Countertops, cabinets, etc. need to be within reach from a seated position, but also convenient for standing people (Woman's Guide, pg. 62).

Discrimination in housing is illegal now, due to the Fair Housing Act of 1988, which prohibits such discrimination in relation to race, religion, gender, family status, disability, and national origin (Woman's Guide..., pg. 62). As a result, even in small town areas, accessible housing can be found at fairly reasonable rates. For example, in the Classifieds section of May 15's Dahlonega Nugget, a handicapped accessible home complete with a garage and basement on three plus acres of land was listed at $132,900.

Transportation is also a key factor and crucial for family use. When an individual can walk, modifications may not be necessary. If the individual uses a folding manual wheelchair, the family may be able to use a smaller vehicle. If a power wheelchair is used, a van of some sort is necessary.

Couples must also decide whether the disabled spouse will drive or not. If a wheelchair rider is going to drive, s/he will require special adaptive driving controls. Pricing on such equipment is variable, but usually very costly.

With all of the help and hope that has been made available to individuals with disabling conditions, the future suddenly looks much brighter. First, education and the job market opened up. Next, the social world did. Then came the possibility and acceptance of disable parenting. Now, who knows what will come next? Living with a disability is not easy, but by no means is it impossible. In fact, it often builds determination. In an article called, "In Search of Motherhood," twenty-nine year-old Kelly Belsito stated, "...somehow, despite the massive adjustments that surround living with a disability, it has never stopped me from wanting all that I could achieve...and more" (pg. 4) For her, that included having a beautiful and healthy, blue-eyed baby girl named Meghan Kathryn.

Attitude is everything. People who are physically challenged have begun to be self-advocates and as a result, society's views on disability are changing slowly...but surely. Howard Schwartz, author of the article "Further Thoughts on a "Sociology of Acceptance" for Disabled People," can see "clear evidence of a change toward a far more favorable public opinion of the disabled" (pg. 106).

As far as I am concerned, things will only continue to get better. America prides itself on being a progressive country. Only time will tell in the issue of disability. As more legislation is passed, and as more disabled people get into higher social and political positions, the disabled population will continue to reap the benefits. Some believe that the disability civil rights movement is a thing of the past, but I say it's just getting started. And just as Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream for his people decades ago, I have one for mine today.

Works Cited

Belsito, Kelly. "In Search of Motherhood." Living SMArt. 1994-1996, Selected Reprints: 4-5. Day, John and Trish. "Crib Page." <http://ourworld. compuserve.com/homepages/Trish_and_John/crib.htm> (22 May 1997). ------. "Trish & John's Resources for Parents with Disabilities." <http://ourworld.compuserve.com/ /homepages/Trish_and_John/resource.htm> (16 April 1997). Lee. <vanfare@tiac.net> "Joystick." 05 Jan. 1997. Personal email. (06 Jan. 1997). Marinelli, Robert P. and Arthur E. Dell Orto, eds. The Psychological and Social Impact of Physical Disability. New York: Springer Publishing Company, 1977. Schwartz, Howard D. "Further Thoughts on a "Sociology of Acceptance" for Disabled People." Social Policy. New York: The Social Policy Corporation, 1988. Sellers Realty Company Classifieds. The Dahlonega Nugget. 15 May, 1997: C1. Sowell, Carol. "Dearly Beloved." Quest. Apr.-May 1997: 8-13. -----. "The Rocky Road to Romance." Quest. Jan.-Mar. 1997: 6+. A Woman's Guide to Coping with Disability. Massachusetts: Resource for Rehabilitation, 1994.

Special Thanks To: Annette Heishman, for introducing me to the world of sociology and supporting me in my search for knowledge.

(c) Holly Payne

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