The time I had to make a very difficult decision.

             Saying good bye to someone who is making a transition from this life can be difficult, especially if you had to be one of the ones to help make that kind of decision. I believe it is one of the worse pains you can have emotionally. When my brother made his transition, it was very hard for me too see him go. He went from this strong healthy fine young man to just skin and bones.    I had to be one of the ones to say take off the life support. Cancer can be a gruesome thing to see someone die from. 

        When we were growing up my brother was always there for me. He was about three years older than I, and I loved every thing about him. My father was not around, so I took him as the father figure in my life. He would help me with my homework, showed me how to tie my shoes, and if I was afraid of anything he was right there. My mom had to take him out of school to work in the cotton fields because we were so poor. He could pick 300 pounds of cotton a day.  

He would step in and take over the house duties when my mother didn’t feel well. My brother was always there for others too if a neighbors needed his yard cut, or any thing needed fixing he was there for them.

               When my brother would complain about his chest hurting, he would cough so hard that he would fold over with pain, and at times cough up spots of blood. Why he did not go to the doctor sooner? I do not know. I have found out that a lot of men just hate going to the doctors. One day my brother went fishing and did not return home. He loved fishing and would go alone. When it got so late we went looking for him, and found him on the fish creek knocked out with blood coming from his mouth. At the hospital the doctors did x-rays of all kinds. We were told that he had cancer, and it was the worst kind, and it was all through his body. We all were in shock that he was so sick; the doctor gave him all kind of medication in hope that it would help him. I wanted to do something, but what could I do?

           Everything was moving so fast. I went into some kind of a dream like state, where I was inside just watching myself going through the motion. My brother went into a coma and just lay there. The doctors put him on a respirator. We got a call from the doctor or few days later and were told that nothing more could be done for him.

We had to make the decision to take him off the life support.  The doctors said my brother might live three to four days with out the life support, and feeding tube. It was too hard for my mother and the rest of the family. They all looked to me to make that decision. I went to see him he looked so peaceful in his state of coma, I ask him was it alright to let him go. A thought kept ringing in my head; all you see is this body, my sprit is with you and the rest of the family. On the eighth day one of my sisters that was out of town showed up to say good bye. It was as if he was waiting for us all to tell him that it was alright to go. As I sat there I saw his last breath leave his body. It was like a puff of smoke it was then that I became very peaceful with the decision that we had made.

            In life we are faced with all kinds of decision some can be very hard, yet we must decide. We are not here to stay; everything makes a transition from one state to another. The seasons make a transition from winter, spring, summer, and fall. The leaves fall off the trees and die and new ones take their place.  My brother I set you free. I love you and will always remember you in my heart.

HOME PAGE